The Confession

As I walk down the crowded city street,

I look into the crowd –

The old face-The ageless face-The baby face.

Trust me – Unobtrusively.

I was asking them, loud in my mind –

“WHAT’S YOUR STORY, HONEY?”

They didn’t hear me though.

Among all the people walking,

I felt tiny.

~Just a speck of dust~

Cliché??

Cliché, it is.

But, frightening.

I felt invisible.

A wonderful place to make a confession –

So,

I took a fistful of breath.

To wishper your name.

In the wind.

A thousand times, Darling.

A thousand times!!!

Like I am lending –

A beautiful fragrance to the wind.

Puff!!!

Goes your name.

Like I am smoking the life out of me.

Hues of New Year

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The flawless dawn was getting tarnished.

The blazing fire of the sky which once used to melt me down,

Has turned into a cold white ball,

Concealed inside the veil of clouds;

Dangling and halt;

Then swirling and halt.

The wind was changing its sail.

The aura was changing its tale.

Autumn trees – bare.

Fields – ploughed and fair.

Birds changed their songs

And their shelter

And their peers.

It was the hue of New Year;

Old – to – the – new

Past – to – the – present

Then – to – the – future.

It was a change;

A transition.

Changing has never been so easy.

Change is all about –

Seeing grace through the disgrace;

Hope through the hopelessness;

And self through the selflessness.

Yet everything seemed static;

The same.

The same old year prevailed.

Just the feelings changed;

Or may be the urge to see a change

That compelled me to say –

“A HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!”

 

 

 

SHADES

Happiness came into her life,

However,

In different shades.

Firstly,

The azure sky.

Then,

The blend of golden-yellow horizon.

They;

Splashed a bit of themselves,

Over the emerald meadow.

The dewdrops sparkled,

From the lavenders.

There,

Her fortune was imprinted,

Like a kaleidoscope.

Magenta drapes were motionless.

Lilac walls; silent.

The only voice was her pitch-black shrill cry;

That tore the ambiance apart.

The only motion was her vibrant “SELF”.

Her life came into existence;

However,

In blacks and whites.

And;

Whites and blacks.

She could feel the colorless breeze.

But,

Not the colorful aura.

She will definitely grow up to be a happy human.

She will not have to distinguish –

Scarlet from crimson;

Magenta from lavender;

Navy blue from azure blue;

And, jade green from emerald green.

She has only two versions of life:

A black;

Well, she can imbibe all the colors into one.

And

A white;

She will give off all the colors as one.

Black curls won’t bother her;

Only the ignorance will.

Neither will the burgundy fascinate her;

She can’t discriminate the colors.

She knows how to respect the difference.

Because,

She can’t see.

For her;

Black is a happy color.

White is all she can radiate.

She can caress;

The violet,

The indigo,

The blue,

The green,

The yellow,

The orange,

And

The red.

All inside herself.

My Queries

IMG_20200326_195009I didn’t believe when they said-
“Don’t ask too many questions to your life!
Because,
Once you get the answer,
Life changes the question.”

But now,
That I have got all the answers to my questions,
I feel emptier than ever.

I wish I had not asked too many questions.
When the blizzard of answers came by,
I was blown
And blasted
And busted.
I was never prepared for what was coming.

I have come to this position.
Asking a question is not just far from possible,
But it gives trauma.

A kind of bliss.
A kind of void.

Little peaceful.
Little taunting.

But still…
I would love to ask few more questions.
I am just not ready for more answers.
Never mind.

Just when I started accepting that life is not a movie, magic started happening.

Just when I believed that love songs don’t have meaning, love songs started making sense.

But I fear, till when?
Fingers crossed.
I don’t want to know.
I run away from answers like a mouse runs away from cat.
Running away for my dear life.
Running away to keep this fistful of faith intact.
Running away from reality.

What will happen when the reality hits hard?
Who wants to know?
Not me.

Fallacy

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I was frozen for a while.

Blank,

Still,

Void.

NIRVANA

Frozen in time

Frozen in mind

Frozen thoughts

Frozen moments

Past: I remember none

Present: Well, I am lost in time and space

Future: What do I care for? Happy-go-lucky

Sometimes I just try to conjure up some words,

Like a sorcerer trying to caste some spell.

I try to form a sentence so as to engender a story.

All of sudden I realize that I have become laconic.

May be words were lost in that skirmish.

Or so I assume.

When did I lose a part of me?

I don’t remember anything.

The wound heals but the scar remains.

As Eddie Vedder says in his song, “Guarantee”-

“Got a mind full of questions”

Now,

I am shrouded by the blizzard of queries.

~ How does it feel to conflict within you one moment

And throw a smile to the person sitting next to you the other moment?

Can you calm that storm within the fraction of second?

 

How does it feel to nurture the demon inside your head

And then be an altruist?

How do you keep your demons at bay?

 

How does it feel to be lying in a dungeon of trauma

And pretend to be flying?

How do you free your spirit?

 

How does it feel to know all that you once believed was a lie? ~

The song “Guarantee” continues-

“And a teacher in my soul”

As of late,

My soul is trying to teach me something.

~ Skepticism has been my religion.

Life is but a mere lie

We are gladly living a lie

I lie about conflicting

I lie about peace

I lie about being a demon

I lie about altruism

I lie about trauma

I lie about freedom

 

I might even lie about living in darkness when I have found light

I might pretend to be holy when I have basked in obscenity ~

So,

Don’t believe me

Because I don’t believe you either